I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
they're like a gay fantastic four
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
