His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
