people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
