Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
