guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
