i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize