No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
