just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
