How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
