Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
