i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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