if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
