I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
