My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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