She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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