we're blogging at a bar
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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