I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
