I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
