Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
