Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
