Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
