i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
