Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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