Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
