just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
