I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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