"it" just moved
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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