Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The air was thick with penises
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
