I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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