your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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