Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How naked do you want me to be?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
