I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
