Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
