I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
