Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
