I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
