how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
