How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
