yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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