Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize