It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
