pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
