I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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