all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
