I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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