when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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