i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
