i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
