Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
