cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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