loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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