I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
