sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
This is my gift to your gina
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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