Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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