"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
