nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
