He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
