Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
