Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
