He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
