I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
