Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
