it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How does it feel to date your dad?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
