Welp...herpes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
