He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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