I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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