I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
