please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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