Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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