I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
third nipple confirmed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
