He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
