So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
