Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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